It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practise either of them.
Mark Twain, “Following the Equator,” 1873
Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably why so few engage in it.
First, God made idiots. For practice. Then He made school boards.
Outside a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside a dog, it’s too dark to read.
Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.
The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
George Bernard Shaw
Conscience is the inner voice which warns us somebody may be looking.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
We’ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Robert Wilensky, computer science sage
His ignorance is encyclopedic.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.
I’ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn’t it.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there is a man on base.
There must be more to managing than giving vague directions and punishing people for not reading my mind.
Dilbert’s Pointy-Haired Boss, November 19, 2004
No matter how cynical I get, it’s just never enough to keep up.
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice there is.
Jan L.A. van Snepscheut
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.